she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
