I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
