The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
