I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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