He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
