I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
