I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
