wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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