like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
