I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
