idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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