Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
