I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
