I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
