Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
