he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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