Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
