Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
