i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
