We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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