....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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