be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
