took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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