My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
