I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
