made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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