That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
