My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it glows. i had to have it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
