You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
