Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
