if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
