ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
