I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
