Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
