I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
