Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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