I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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