I think I am morally bankrupt
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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