My underwear smells like fireworks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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