There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
