Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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