Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
