and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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