remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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