I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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