If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
