apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Im part way to drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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