That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
