well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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