my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
