brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
