Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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