I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
