I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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