I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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