id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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