he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
