another moral hangover. fuck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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