we have officially lost it.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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