it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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