We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
