Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
