she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
