Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
