i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
