my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how does that bad decision feel?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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