I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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