we're chasing vodka with high fives
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
