grandma shit on top of the toilet
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
