he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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