in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
