I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize