her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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