my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.