Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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