just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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