I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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