Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
