Please don't use social media to get back at me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
